Writing

Calling All Cars Vol. 3: Fiery Poop

Have you ever been around a person that smelled like Waffle Crisp? Man…I miss that cereal. I miss Oreo O’s as well. Something about those savory circles of chocolate and cream floating around my bowl just makes my soul leave my body. It leaves and flies underneath the stars. Flies past satellites and meteorites. Meteorites that are heading towards different planets to royally wreck their face and send them into utter oblivion. 

Oblivion is the new fate of this three-cheese burrito that is entering the big man’s mouth. The big man’s teeth chews the tortilla, the beans, the beef, the three cheeses, the sour cream, and the guacamole as if they mean nothing to him. Oh! But they will. They will as they slide through his intestines and they make their way to his hairy anus. The pepper jack cheese is not your friend, big man! It is an enemy of the stomach. You should have never added that to your burrito, but you did. You did and now your ass feels like someone is taking a blowtorch to it.

Just the thought of all that bathroom anguish just makes the bear in the woods flinch. Fuck! He hopes that he doesn’t have to take a fiery shit that could literally burn a hole through the earth. Jobee the Bear, the only way that you’ll take a poo like that is if you keep eating the food of picnickers. Stick to the berries, man.

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