Comedy · Movies

Slasher!

I’m going to take a quick break from the Mr. Mustache saga and talk about…Halloween! Halloween is so close and it feels as if that it’s going to be exciting as usual. I’m not a huge fan of horror flicks, but I do like to catch a good slasher film every once in a while. Speaking of which, I watched the remake to My Bloody Valentine the other day. The one that stars Jensen Ackles of Supernatural fame. I know that the movie isn’t a cinematic masterpiece, but I do enjoy it. I think that Ackles shines as a villain and the scene where he’s walking down the mine shaft busting out light bulbs with a pickaxe is chilling. Okay, scratch that, not as chilling as him pulling off the mask and gasping for air in the one old guy’s house. This film and the original will always be my favorites.

I remember when IFC would show the original movie and I was always afraid to watch it. I turned it on there one night while the movie was playing and it was the scene where Harry Warden was walking through the dimly-lighted streets, dragging his pickaxe on the concrete. I never forgot how Warden looked around as if it he was lost or…looking for another victim! I finally had enough courage to sit through the whole movie and loved it every bit of it. The film had some cheesy kill scenes, such as the one where the masked miner sticks a guy’s head into a pot of boiling water that was filled with wieners. Imagine, being in the afterlife, telling people that you died, while wieners were smacking your face. I think that the ending is still one of the best horror endings ever. I don’t want to spoil it for those who haven’t seen it.

What’s also great about the My Bloody Valentine films is that it hasn’t been run into the ground. There are so many Jason movies, Chucky movies, Freddy movies, Michael movies, Leatherface, and so on. There’s only two MBV and both movies feature a different character as the miner killer. Yes, it follows the holiday formula of the 1980s slasher film heyday, but it’s still unique because there are not billions of sequels. The slasher formula has to have dumbass kids. If there are not any dumbass kids, then the film does not function properly. There are several in the MBV movies–hell, in all slashers. It is essential for the killer to get rid of these kids before they carry their dumbness throughout the earth. I’ll come back to this later.

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