Comedy · Nonfiction

The Flying Bottle of Fruit Punch

Every once in a while, we all have the tendency to take out our anger on an inanimate object. For example, punching the walls or body slamming a teddy bear to get out that extra bit of rage. Usually when we do things such as this, we do it behind closed doors, because if we did it in public, then everyone would become frightened. But there are some people who just can’t contain all of that built-up frustration that is lurking within.

A friend of mine that I used to work with, had a day where he just had to vent and let it out. He was one of those guys who was really nice and he held in his anger till he was about to explode. On that day, he was already having a rough time, but when a manager notified him that he would have to work in a department that everyone hates, it set him off. That Gatorade bottle never saw it coming…and I witnessed all of the glory.

How he threw the Gatorade bottle was somewhat of a spectacle. It was kind of majestic. He did this weird pause before he threw it…maybe contemplating on whether he should do it or not. Then he turned forward and hurled the Gatorade bottle with a high amount of velocity. The Gatorade bottle smacked the wall and the fruit punch deliciousness exploded onto the bricks. It was odd how the Gatorade came out of the bottle. It came out as if it was in slow motion, though my friend passed the bottle at the speed of a Madison Bumgarner fastball. Yeah, I’m a Giants fan. Back to the story! The throw caused the manager and me to go into shock. We had never seen him act like this before, but also I was amazed by the throw, because I thought that he wasn’t that strong.

His face was angry, as if he was constipated and he was tired of not being able to poop. The manager was frightened and she hurried back inside, while he followed her close behind. He had this mean prance to his walk, like “Yeah, I stuck it to the man.” Not really, because he later got in trouble.

We picked on him a little bit after that. We told him that he should tryout for a minor league baseball team. We said that he knew how to stick it to the man. We would sing “We’re Not Gonna Take It” by Twisted Sister to him. Hell, we even took a photo of the Gatorade bottle so we would never forget that day. He was ashamed of his actions, though they were legendary. Poor Gatorade bottle…rest in peace.


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